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ConSensual
ConSensual

Episode 6 · 1 year ago

Risk Management

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Noah gets a lesson from Bo in flirting like a city boy, but he's not so quick to ditch his hometown ways.

Dude, a smiley face box stairsat the phone I've not so subtly displayed under the table. We're at oneof the programs required seminars on, wouldn't you believe it, risk management,the same field ingrid just happens to be in. So naturally my thoughts havecirculated around her all day, and when Bo asked how my luck with theNew York ladies has been, she was the first one that came to mine. He asked if we gotten anywhere. I told him we were texting.He asked to see the exchange, and now here we are, two grownmen passing a phone back and forth and whispering like a couple of chatty schoolgirls in the back of the class. What's wrong with Smiley faces? Idefensively Tuck my phone back into my pocket. The last person to use emoticons waslike the UNIBOMBER. Will come on, man, it's not that bad.No, it's worse. You know who uses emoticons? Old People andcreeps. Are you either of those things?...

I slouched back in my chair,crossing my arms over my chest. I thought I was being nice.Well, stop thinking that then. Besides, man, you've got to streamline theway you talked to her. Bickering at happy hour and sending Smiley facesbefore bed is only sending one message. Hi, I'm Noah and I'm thepsychopath that over in your life forever, and how do you propose I avoidthat? Boa doesn't answer for a moment, shifting his focus to the speaker atthe front of the Lecture Hall, a small woman with thin hair wearinga brown pantsuit. She adjusts her wire frame glasses as she speaks. RiskManagement begins with effective leadership. If you, as a manager, or even asa CEO, are organized, prepared and hold your employees to the highestlevels of conduct, both in terms of the law and of safety, therelevels of risk will be lower. Mismanagement is the first sign of risky business. Bow Glances over at me, eyebrows raised, his mouth curling into asmile. Just take it easy, man,...

...be a little more aloof you wantme to blow her off? No, don't blow her off, just likebe cool, you know, not quite so available all the time.AM The speaker clears her throat, lifting her chin in our direction, andthe two of US shut up for a second, sitting up straight to makeit look like we've been paying attention. Fuck, even if I never seethis lady again, thought of anyone in business thinking I don't give a shitmakes my stomach hurt. I give a fuck ton of shits, especially whenit comes to getting this brewery off the ground, and especially since I hatenothing more than students who talk in the back of my class. As Iwas saying, recklessness and apathy are the number one killers of business. Itis paramount to your success that you do your research and pay attention, or, if those skills are not to your strong suit, that you pay someoneelse to do so. She looks directly...

...at me as she speaks, andthe churning in my gut continues. Fuck, fuck, fuck out of nowhere.Bow Raises his hand and my whole body clenches. He's the first friendI've made here and I like him well enough, but he can be areal smartass sometimes, and that's not the kind of attitude I want to beassociated with. Yes, Mister Bot, just bout, all right, justbou what is it isn't a certain level of recklessness necessary when it comes toentrepreneurial work? Jobs, gates, Zuckerberg, all of them took huge risks droppingout of college and starting out on their own. Look where that gotthem. Right and tell me, just Bou, what exactly are you bringingto the market place that's as groundbreaking or industry creating as Microsoft? Well,I haven't quite worked out the details are, but you will create a force aswell. Have you invented something new? I mean, it's not earth shattering, but I think it's a good...

...places of quick English lesson. Then, can anyone think of a synonym for recklessness that fits just bows business plandescription, or lack thereof? A quick glance around the room makes it clearthat no one else is willing to step up to the plate. That meansI have an opportunity to make this lady like me after all. I raisemy hand and bow. Immediately start shooting daggers my way. Yes, MrBloom, Ma'am over confidence, cockiness. Even I was looking for disregard,but sure those will do just fine. The speaker glances at the clock,pinching the bridge of her nose and letting out a heavy sigh. Will continuewith insurance and consultants next week. We pack up and file out of theroom. Bo marching firmly ahead of me, his jaw clenched fists balled by asides. Hey Man, I'm sorry, I know just I get it.Shrewd move, by the way,...

...you really think this real estate hackis going to help you get ahead? It's not like that. I justlook, I'm a teacher. Okay, I felt bad, for all youfarm boys are the same selfseeking assholes, Hughes respect and politeness to cover itup. I stopped shifting my weight and lowering my voice better than pretending thataloof is any way to treat a lady. Bow Scoffs and turns on his heel. You really are a farm boy, aren't you? He shakes his head, running a hand along the back of his neck. Look, dowhatever you want. All I'm saying is don't be surprised at that whole downhome good boy act sends the girl packing. You're not in Kansas anymore and you'renot rudy. This is the city and we play by our own ruleshere. With that, he marches off, leaving me to fume silently in thehall as various people push past me, giving me dirty looks as they go. Fucking New Yorkers, all impatient and disinterested. And well, Aloof, I don't care if the rules are...

...different here. There's no way I'mplaying by them. The crowd dies down around me and I make my wayout of the building, setting out on the twenty minute walk back to myapartment. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I quickly navigate tomy messages, typing up the first thing that comes to mind. Saturday's greatfirst rounds on me. I hit send without even giving it a second thought, and immediately I catch my air. Fuck, I mean, I'm buying. Not sure it's good to drink more than one coffee at a time.Might give you a heart attack. Oh, oh, anyways, see you Saturdayat two. It all happened so fast I can hardly register it.I was so determined to just say what I mean that I couldn't stop hittingsend, and suddenly there are five separate...

...texts on my side of the screenand not even a hint of a dot on hers. Jesus fucking Christ,I may not be some Suave New York heartthrob, but I know double textingis a death sentence. At this stage, I don't even want to think aboutthe consequences of a quintuple text stuffing my phone back into my pocket.I stopped at a corner to wait for the walk sign, looking up atthe sky and taking a deep breath. Two women in matching birkenstocks with twinyoga mats slung over their shoulders, joined me on the corner, quickly glancingup and down the empty street before holding hands and crossing, despite the largered hand staring at them from the other side of the road. I groanand shake my head, causing them both to turn and give me dirty looks. Great, now not only am I a stick in the mud farm boywho doesn't know how to talk to modern women, but I'm a misogynist andprobably a homophobe too. By the time I make it back to my shittydog house of a room in the back...

...of a two bedroom apartment, Islammed the door closed behind me, doing my best to ignore the strong fishysmell coming from the floor above. I throw myself down on the bed,staring at the Beige popcorn ceiling and trying to remember what the fuck I'm doinghere. Like magic, my phone buzzes in my pocket. It's Ingrid Lol. Still Dorky as ever, I see could be better, could be worse. Game on Ingrid Wheeler. Ten Week Turnabout is written by Amelia J rose, produced by consensual, creating steamy feminist first romance for riot girls. Specialthanks to baby money and the down payments for the use of our theme song, Oh boy head. Sound Engineer John McNeil, mixing by Spiral Light,creative mastering by aiding good Laura. Follow us at consensual pod on instagram andfollow at the Noah Bloom and at the...

Ingrid Wheeler to watch this love storyplay out on your instagram feed. This episode was performed by Alison Grishaw,Travis Donohue, Danny Forrenzi and drew Michelle. Tune in next week to hear Ingridask herself what the Hell Am I getting myself into?.

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