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ConSensual
ConSensual

Episode 6 · 2 years ago

Risk Management

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Noah gets a lesson from Bo in flirting like a city boy, but he's not so quick to ditch his hometown ways.

Dude, a smiley face box stairs at the phone I've not so subtly displayed under the table. We're at one of the programs required seminars on, wouldn't you believe it, risk management, the same field ingrid just happens to be in. So naturally my thoughts have circulated around her all day, and when Bo asked how my luck with the New York ladies has been, she was the first one that came to mine. He asked if we gotten anywhere. I told him we were texting. He asked to see the exchange, and now here we are, two grown men passing a phone back and forth and whispering like a couple of chatty school girls in the back of the class. What's wrong with Smiley faces? I defensively Tuck my phone back into my pocket. The last person to use emoticons was like the UNIBOMBER. Will come on, man, it's not that bad. No, it's worse. You know who uses emoticons? Old People and creeps. Are you either of those things?...

I slouched back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. I thought I was being nice. Well, stop thinking that then. Besides, man, you've got to streamline the way you talked to her. Bickering at happy hour and sending Smiley faces before bed is only sending one message. Hi, I'm Noah and I'm the psychopath that over in your life forever, and how do you propose I avoid that? Boa doesn't answer for a moment, shifting his focus to the speaker at the front of the Lecture Hall, a small woman with thin hair wearing a brown pantsuit. She adjusts her wire frame glasses as she speaks. Risk Management begins with effective leadership. If you, as a manager, or even as a CEO, are organized, prepared and hold your employees to the highest levels of conduct, both in terms of the law and of safety, there levels of risk will be lower. Mismanagement is the first sign of risky business. Bow Glances over at me, eyebrows raised, his mouth curling into a smile. Just take it easy, man,...

...be a little more aloof you want me to blow her off? No, don't blow her off, just like be cool, you know, not quite so available all the time. AM The speaker clears her throat, lifting her chin in our direction, and the two of US shut up for a second, sitting up straight to make it look like we've been paying attention. Fuck, even if I never see this lady again, thought of anyone in business thinking I don't give a shit makes my stomach hurt. I give a fuck ton of shits, especially when it comes to getting this brewery off the ground, and especially since I hate nothing more than students who talk in the back of my class. As I was saying, recklessness and apathy are the number one killers of business. It is paramount to your success that you do your research and pay attention, or, if those skills are not to your strong suit, that you pay someone else to do so. She looks directly...

...at me as she speaks, and the churning in my gut continues. Fuck, fuck, fuck out of nowhere. Bow Raises his hand and my whole body clenches. He's the first friend I've made here and I like him well enough, but he can be a real smartass sometimes, and that's not the kind of attitude I want to be associated with. Yes, Mister Bot, just bout, all right, just bou what is it isn't a certain level of recklessness necessary when it comes to entrepreneurial work? Jobs, gates, Zuckerberg, all of them took huge risks dropping out of college and starting out on their own. Look where that got them. Right and tell me, just Bou, what exactly are you bringing to the market place that's as groundbreaking or industry creating as Microsoft? Well, I haven't quite worked out the details are, but you will create a force as well. Have you invented something new? I mean, it's not earth shattering, but I think it's a good...

...places of quick English lesson. Then, can anyone think of a synonym for recklessness that fits just bows business plan description, or lack thereof? A quick glance around the room makes it clear that no one else is willing to step up to the plate. That means I have an opportunity to make this lady like me after all. I raise my hand and bow. Immediately start shooting daggers my way. Yes, Mr Bloom, Ma'am over confidence, cockiness. Even I was looking for disregard, but sure those will do just fine. The speaker glances at the clock, pinching the bridge of her nose and letting out a heavy sigh. Will continue with insurance and consultants next week. We pack up and file out of the room. Bo marching firmly ahead of me, his jaw clenched fists balled by a sides. Hey Man, I'm sorry, I know just I get it. Shrewd move, by the way,...

...you really think this real estate hack is going to help you get ahead? It's not like that. I just look, I'm a teacher. Okay, I felt bad, for all you farm boys are the same selfseeking assholes, Hughes respect and politeness to cover it up. I stopped shifting my weight and lowering my voice better than pretending that aloof is any way to treat a lady. Bow Scoffs and turns on his heel. You really are a farm boy, aren't you? He shakes his head, running a hand along the back of his neck. Look, do whatever you want. All I'm saying is don't be surprised at that whole down home good boy act sends the girl packing. You're not in Kansas anymore and you're not rudy. This is the city and we play by our own rules here. With that, he marches off, leaving me to fume silently in the hall as various people push past me, giving me dirty looks as they go. Fucking New Yorkers, all impatient and disinterested. And well, Aloof, I don't care if the rules are...

...different here. There's no way I'm playing by them. The crowd dies down around me and I make my way out of the building, setting out on the twenty minute walk back to my apartment. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I quickly navigate to my messages, typing up the first thing that comes to mind. Saturday's great first rounds on me. I hit send without even giving it a second thought, and immediately I catch my air. Fuck, I mean, I'm buying. Not sure it's good to drink more than one coffee at a time. Might give you a heart attack. Oh, oh, anyways, see you Saturday at two. It all happened so fast I can hardly register it. I was so determined to just say what I mean that I couldn't stop hitting send, and suddenly there are five separate...

...texts on my side of the screen and not even a hint of a dot on hers. Jesus fucking Christ, I may not be some Suave New York heartthrob, but I know double texting is a death sentence. At this stage, I don't even want to think about the consequences of a quintuple text stuffing my phone back into my pocket. I stopped at a corner to wait for the walk sign, looking up at the sky and taking a deep breath. Two women in matching birkenstocks with twin yoga mats slung over their shoulders, joined me on the corner, quickly glancing up and down the empty street before holding hands and crossing, despite the large red hand staring at them from the other side of the road. I groan and shake my head, causing them both to turn and give me dirty looks. Great, now not only am I a stick in the mud farm boy who doesn't know how to talk to modern women, but I'm a misogynist and probably a homophobe too. By the time I make it back to my shitty dog house of a room in the back...

...of a two bedroom apartment, I slammed the door closed behind me, doing my best to ignore the strong fishy smell coming from the floor above. I throw myself down on the bed, staring at the Beige popcorn ceiling and trying to remember what the fuck I'm doing here. Like magic, my phone buzzes in my pocket. It's Ingrid Lol. Still Dorky as ever, I see could be better, could be worse. Game on Ingrid Wheeler. Ten Week Turnabout is written by Amelia J rose, produced by consensual, creating steamy feminist first romance for riot girls. Special thanks to baby money and the down payments for the use of our theme song, Oh boy head. Sound Engineer John McNeil, mixing by Spiral Light, creative mastering by aiding good Laura. Follow us at consensual pod on instagram and follow at the Noah Bloom and at the...

Ingrid Wheeler to watch this love story play out on your instagram feed. This episode was performed by Alison Grishaw, Travis Donohue, Danny Forrenzi and drew Michelle. Tune in next week to hear Ingrid ask herself what the Hell Am I getting myself into?.

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